A reader recently asked me how I work to get my kids to be well behaved during Mass. I promised to answer it in a post.
But, here’s the thing — I don’t know actually know. They’re just good kids, generally.
When we converted, only Molly was still small (two years old). So, the boys sat through Mass just fine right away. We worked Molly up to sitting through it longer and longer.
By the time we were allowed to stay for the whole Mass (while we were doing the RCIA process, Eric and I had to go to a special class during the second half of the Mass), Molly could sit through a Mass without a problem (generally).
I will admit, however, that while I’m generally very easy going with the kids, I will come down on them hard on issues that I think are important. (I feel like it’s my job to raise them up to be good people, and that just means having to correct them sometimes.) So, because they know this, any time they even seem to consider misbehaving at Mass, I typically only have to get them “the look” and they’ll stop.
As a follow up to this question, the reader also wanted to know how I make sure they are really “getting it” and not just there. To encourage it, I try to make sure that they are doing all prayers and songs with us throughout the Mass, and acting with reverence toward Jesus. I also think it helps when they recognize readings that we’ve talked about at home.
Now, am I saying that the kids are some kind of perfectly behaved uber holy kids at Mass? No, they’re not. Am I trying to pretend that I have never sat at Mass and then realized that I was thinking about my grocery list? Sadly, I do find my mind wandering from time to time. It’s human nature, as your mind can just run faster than other people can talk. However, I do promise that we all do our best.
In addition to all these things, I hope that the kids see Eric and I demonstrating a real, true love for being there, so that will will help to show church as a good place to go. A place to refresh your soul and fill you in a way that helps you to take Jesus out in to the world. For that, I pray.
How old was Molly when you started bringing her? I tried to bring my 2 year old to church last week and he had an epic meltdown. We were there for maybe 2 minutes before we had to leave.
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Molly had been to church with us at the Episcopal Church that we attended before we converted, so she even went when she was a baby. When she got just a tiny bit older, we started using the nursery when we managed to drag ourselves to church. (Back in the day when we kept going even though we didn’t want to be going to that church anymore.)
When we started RCIA to become Catholic, we went every week and she was just about to turn two years old. Our parish doesn’t have a parents room or anything like that, so all the kids are just right there in the church. We had to work her up to being able to stay in the whole time (and not step just outside where we could still hear — we took turns doing that). She was still two (but an older two) when she no longer had any problem sitting through it.
Okay, thinking about it again, I would say she was about 2 1/2 years old when she was able to stay in the pew for the whole hour. (I will admit though, that was with some quiet books and one very small snack.)
Thanks. I had snacks and a book ready but we weren’t even able to sit down before he melted down. In his defense, he saw a guitar which he loves. I am thinking I might try going to the Saturday service which might be less crowded. Then we will work on it until he can go to Sunday mass. I just moved to the area so I honestly don’t know if there is a children’s room. I don’t think so cuz everyone looked at me like I had 5 heads instead of helping me but telling me where I could go. Thanks for the advice!
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a little background.. I have 7 children with 10 yrs between the oldest and the youngest. our kids were generally well behaved, I took them to Mass by myself, as my husband did not go to church.
It helps to take your child to Mass from day 1 every Sunday and weekdays if you can. They can learn from the very beginning that we go to Mass and we need to behave. was it a distraction for me? yes it was, but I still feel that taking them made it easier as it went along. did they cry? yes. did they act up? sometimes.
not taking them when they are babies and then suddenly taking them when they are older, they will get frustrated and they will act up.
I didn’t use a crying room or nursery either as our parish doesn’t have one.
only soft toys, such as a small doll and soft books were allowed at church. nothing that would make noise. I didn’t use pacifiers either after they were a year old, but then I didn’t let them use a pacifier anywhere except in bed.
I did not take any snacks, or sippy cups. I did take a bottle when they were small babies.
I also made sure that all the kids had made a potty stop before we left home. Children learn very quickly that “I have to go potty” gets them out of Mass and a chance to run around on the way to the bathroom. Having made sure they went before, they knew that mom wasn’t going to fall for that too easily.
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This is something we’re always working on with our 2.5 year old…I know there is a very real chance for crazy to happen when our triplets get older.
Thank you for this post!
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{Kathy} Here are our family of 6′s rules for Mass: 1.) You don’t have to be still, just QUIET. 2.) Participate in The Mass, sounds simple but getting teenagers to do this is still a challenge. 3.) Be respectful, of the people around you, of the Mass. 4.) Sit in the front rows, near the music!! I can’t tell you how much better our children are when we do this. We have had tons of problems with our kids in church, but these principles work–for 18 years.
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I totally agree with sitting up front. We’re big fans of sitting up as close to the front as possible (first pew, if possible).