I suspect that we are not the only homeschoolers who have found themselves in this predicament. We’ve found ourselves there not once, but twice, during our five years of homeschooling.
One of the times that it happened, I met it with great upset. We were just barely a couple of weeks into homeschooling and then second grader Jack was already missing being at his old school. Then came the fateful day when our neighbor (who worked at the school) told the boys that people missed them. There were tears and then the request to return.
I would like to be eloquent about how it went down, but will just admit now that I freaked out. I wasn’t sure what I should do after reasoning with him didn’t get me far. I fretted that I had made the wrong choice, even if we had felt that God had called us to this. At that time, I decided that I didn’t want to have some in school and some at home, so I tried to reconcile Noah’s extreme desire to stay home with Jack’s desire to return.
And then Noah, ever my compliant child, offered up a sacrifice. He would return to school if it was what we really wanted. You can imagine how much worse that actually made it.
Thankfully, two things made all the difference:
- I talked about it to someone who was already homeschooling. I don’t even know if Kris remembers that, but it made all the difference in our lives as homeschoolers. She assured me that it was okay (and normal).
- I had a heart to heart conversation with Jack about it. It didn’t take long into the conversation to find out that he didn’t actually want to go back to school. He just missed his friends there. So, we connected with some old friends but we also worked on building our relationships with the homeschooling friends we were already making. (This helped immensely.)
I can’t stress enough how vital it is to do those things. Find solace and advice in veteran homeschoolers. Talk to your kids about it. Really talk to them. Why do they want to go back? Is it something that you can offer them at home, but you just haven’t been doing it?
Everything went along swimmingly for several years, and then in the middle of our fourth year (the winter of 2011/2012), we started hearing about some of our homeschooling friends who would be enrolling their children in school. My children were heart sick over this, and so was I. It was also the catalyst for a returned interest in going back to school.
This time around, I received the news with more calmness. I think it helped the whole situation. I talked to the kids about it (two of whom were interested in returning). I also made the decision that I would accept the situation of having some in school and some home. This also made a huge difference in everyone’s attitude about it. Nobody’s decisions impacted someone else’s chance to have a decision of their own.
After the requests continued more, I set up a visit to our local school. We were escorted around the 1000+ student school by the children’s former principal (who is also a member of our church). It was a wonderfully no pressure tour where he answered all of Jack and Molly’s questions. (Noah had already decided that he would continue with homeschooling.)
Both of the younger two left with excitement at the prospect of attending the school.
Five minutes later, Molly said, “You know what? I don’t really want to go there. I’m going to stay home.” I think she had just liked knowing that she had a choice, and when she really thought about it and saw it, she knew it wasn’t the choice she wanted.
Jack, on the other hand, was set to go back. But then, days later, he mused aloud about how it might be to be the only one of the kids in our family to leave for school each day. And finally, he realized that, again, he didn’t actually want to go back to school. He had romanticized it. It wasn’t actually what he wanted.
In giving the kids a choice and guiding them through their decision process (as well as sharing the process that we had taken when deciding to homeschool), I think they felt that they had been empowered in knowing that they were homeschoolers by choice.
Oh, my, yes! I think I could have written your post, word-for-word.
We did re-enroll our son for the past year. We, too, romanticized it — better town, better school, my older kids went there (MANY years ago). We justified the “social” aspect of it, our little guy being the only child at home (our other children are 23 and older) [yes, we fell victim to the "socialization" myth].
Our son’s favorite parts of public school? 1. lunch (because they have choices); 2. recess (because there are 40 kids his age to play with); 3. PE (ditto); 4. independent projects (well, we know why that’s so…); 5. Band (got me there) and 6. independent reading (again, no surprise). Can we deal with these as homeschoolers? Absolutely!
We are back to full-time homeschooling next year (grade 5) – We know more, and know to keep his social contacts with friends going. We also discovered one of the boys on his soccer team is homeschooled and belongs to a co-op not far from us, that meets each Monday; the only thing we need to find is a community band for him to play his trombone in.
We know it’s the right decision. But it is so good to hear you share your story — I thought I was alone!
Peace ~ Kim
Kim´s last [type] ..Because It’s the Little Things: 10 Things You Can Do For a Cancer Patient
Can’t you enroll him to be in just band or Music at school. My son is in just music and PE at school because i felt i would fall short in those areas. Just a suggestion:)
I do remember that and I can’t tell you how much it blesses me to know, this far down the road, what a difference that conversation made for you and your family. You made me smile today.
Kris @ Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers´s last [type] ..Sign Up for the 2013 CurrClick Science Fair
(((HUGS))) Having you as a friend is a real blessing to me.
Hi Angie,
We met last year at AHG. We had this same dilemma with our girls – over and over again. My answer came through much prayer. It is this: The Lord called us to homeschooling, so it is up to HIM to decide the details, and he hasn’t given us direction to do anything else. This stopped the day-after-day question of “How long do we have to homeschool?” I am also pleased to say that we changed our homeschooling style, and my girls now LOVE to be homeschooled and say they would never go back to public school! We are celebrating our fifth year of (now) happy homeschooling. Love your site! Blessings, Trudi
Trudi! It’s so wonderful to hear from you. I really enjoyed the times that we got to speak last year.
What homeschooling style were you using and what did you switch to?
Seeing your response really made me smile. I miss our chances to talk, even if they were brief.
Hi Angie,
I miss our talking time, too. You are such a great woman to know
We were the typical “classroom at home” types, but we switched to (dare I say) a Charlotte Mason somewhat unschooling approach and we love it! My kids are happier, mom is less stressed, and dad is teaching cooking class when he gets home some evenings of the week! Blessings.
Thank you for sharing this!! There have been plenty of times when we have discussed sending the kids back to school. Mostly it is me feeling overwhelmed and the kids begging not to go. I think there is also a time for us as teacher/mothers to be encouraged and for us to realize why we are feeling overwhelmed. I think I romanticize being home alone all day because when I get a day to myself, it feel so very empty and quiet. I hate it even though I need the time to breath deeply and become refreshed
Kay´s last [type] ..Weep with those who weep.
I totally agree, Kay! I love it when I have a few hours alone at home, but it is always a surprise to me that after a few hours, I start wondering when they’ll be coming home.
Haven’t had to deal with this yet, but it would be a very hard situation. The town that we live in is very small, there is only the public school, the very same that my husband I went to. We do NOT want our children going to that school, for a variety of reasons. If they expressed interest, we would definitely discuss it and look in to other options.
Our public school, does allow home schooled students to participate in non-competing clubs, but not sports.
Jess´s last [type] ..A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. ~Douglas Pagels
I’m in the process of dealing with it right now. My 11 year old is considering going to middle school next year. She has never been to a conventional school. We talk about it and I try to be open and honest with her. One day I think it would be better if she went, the next day I am freaking out at the idea of her going. Someday we will get it figured out. I need to set up a tour of the middle school as I think that will probably be the deciding factor for both of us. I have a 6 year old who wants to do everything her sister does and therefore thinks she wants to go to school. I have a much hard time with that one.
Thanks for the great post.
KC
KC @ The Real Thing with the Coake Family´s last [type] ..Real Family Fun #3
Yes, I would definitely see about a school tour. If you’re not sure about having her go, then I would maybe even see if you can do a tour by yourself first, then one with her later.