Jack became an altar server during this school year. He loved doing it (and even almost knocked me over a few times to run to the sacristy when they were short of servers).  I will admit that I was nervous each time, as he tended to forget something or do something wrong each of the times he did it, but I rejoiced that he wanted to server and do it so joyfully.

Then, a few weeks ago (after around 10 times of serving), he forgot to ring a bell at the right time during the Mass.  He had forgotten this same thing before.  However, something about it really struck him that evening, apparently.  He started to cry.  And, then out of embarrassment for crying, he cried more.  In fact, he couldn’t stop crying.  He cried during almost half the Mass. He kept trying to wipe away the tears, but they just kept coming, even as he kept trying to blink them away.  It was heart wrenching.

He decided that he never wanted serve again.

About a week ago, he was scheduled to be a server during a weekday Mass.  I offered to put out the word that they needed to have a replacement that night, but told him that if he wanted to do it, we could just let the priest know that night that he wanted to be on the side with two people.  He said that he wanted to go ahead and do it.  He talked to the priest, and the Mass went well.

Fast forward to Easter morning, and as we slipped into the last pew that was available (the front pew, which is where I like to be anyway), the church secretary (who was behind us) tapped me on the shoulder.  She asked if either of my boys served, since they were short one server.  I turned to Jack and asked if he would be willing to serve.

“No,” he replied, “I don’t want to.”

While I didn’t want to push him, I had also not been able to sleep the night before, just overwhelmed with the enormity of Jesus’ sacrifice for a world full of sinners.

“Are you sure, Jack?  There’s no one else to serve.”

“I don’t want to,” he continued.

It made me sad that he let one error stop him from doing something that had previously brought him such joy. All the while, the church secretary was looking disappointed behind us.  Also during this, Eric was looking at me like, “Drop it!”  (He admitted later that he was just nervous for a repeat of that unfortunate crying incident.)

And, here’s where I say — please don’t judge me, but I continued very gently, just one more time.  “It’s Easter, Jack.  Can you do it for Jesus?”  I also added that I knew he could do it.  (I would never have pushed something that I knew would go badly.)

Jack agreed, and went to hastily dress to serve.  He smiled when he came out to go to the back of the church to join everyone readying for the procession.  And you know what?  He smiled throughout the Mass.  He was happy to be doing it again, and he did well.

I told Jack afterward that not only had he gotten compliments from several people behind us on the good job he did, but that I had been so proud watching him.  I told him, “You did something that you were nervous about doing, but you did it for Jesus, and that made me feel so proud.  I know it must have made Him proud too.”

Maybe this was all he needed – a little push to serve again at a big Mass.  If he should decide that he still doesn’t want to serve anymore, then I won’t ever push it again.  However, I am glad that if this was the last time, that it was marked with smiles and not tears. Jack needed that, even if he didn’t realize it.

When was a time that you did something really difficult that you didn’t want to do, but that was good in the end?

Doing What is Difficult for Jesus is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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I’ll admit it – from time to time, I get a little jealous about the free time that some people that I know have. In particular, it is the stay at home Moms who have all of their children at school.  Now, I know that they keep busy.  However, I sometimes wish that I had that kind of free time as well.  I could have that time, if I had wanted to, but I picked a different path instead.

In the past year and a half, we’ve dealt with a lot of loss and medical issues in our family.  It has been eye opening.  Amongst those things was some serious medical developments for one of my children.  While we were thankful that we were able to dodge heart surgery a little longer, I also gained something more from the experience.  I realized what a gift I have received by deciding to homeschool my children. I may not meet up with friends during the middle of the day at Starbucks, but I am spending extra time with my children.  I can’t imagine, as we waited days for results from the cardiologist, bundling my son up for school and having him away for much of the day.

This is not to say that it would be wrong for me to have him (or any of the kids) in school.  And, it’s also not to say that I won’t grumble about a lack of free time now and then.  It’s just to say that it gave me a new appreciation for the gift of time that I have with them because of our choice to home educate.

***

Now it’s your turn. Link up your homeschool hints post and make sure to link back here in your post.  You can read guidelines for Helpful Homeschool Hints, as well as get the button to display on your own site.  If your link is removed, be sure to check the guidelines to see why.

Helpful Homeschool Hints: Appreciate the Time with Your Children is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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I wouldn’t say that I’m a perfectionist, but I generally have pretty high expectations for myself. Sure, I may be a lazy slacker from time to time, and I may say that things are “good enough” when I know I could have done them better, but deep down – I beat myself up about those times.  In fact, I will usually just avoid doing something if I don’t think I will do a good job.

Because of these natural tendencies, homeschooling is really pushes me to the limits of what is comfortable for me. Too often, I admonish myself for things left undone.  I cringe when someone isn’t internalizing the multiplication table, because it is surely something that I just didn’t figure out how to teach correctly.  I think that if I just picked a certain curriculum, used a particular book, tried homeschooling like someone whose blog I read (because their homeschool looks perfect), or subscribed to a different style of homeschooling, then all of my feelings of uncertainty would be gone.

Maybe you feel this way too.  It’s easy to feel it.  When your kids go to school outside of the home and they are struggling with reading, you can feel like maybe the school isn’t doing enough for them.  When it’s your homeschooler struggling with reading, it’s all on you (or at least it feels that way).

So, here’s my helpful homeschool hint this week…

Cut yourself some slack, dang it. There are gaps in every education, even the very best.  Just about every child will find some area that they struggle in.  (A brilliant friend in high school was almost stopped from being one of our valedictorians because of her only B ever — in driver’s ed.)  No educational experience will be perfect.

Oh, and you know that homeschooling Mom that you think has it all together?  She probably struggles just as much as you do.  If you told her that you think she is doing an amazing job and that you wish you could do as well as she does, she would probably laugh in your face.

Take some time and look at your successes as a homeschooler.  Embrace what you do well. And then cut yourself some slack on those things that you beat yourself up about.  And maybe, just maybe, I’ll try to do that too.

Now it’s your turn. Link up your homeschool hints post and make sure to link back here in your post.  You can read guidelines for Helpful Homeschool Hints, as well as get the button to display on your own site.  If your link is removed, be sure to check the guidelines to see why.

Helpful Homeschool Hints: Cut Yourself Some Slack is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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photo by EraPhernalia Vintage

I have been feeling a little confused about what I want in life right now. I wonder what direction I want to take or what choice I need to make to do the things that I want to do.  I am sometimes overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities that I have in life.  I have felt that way before, and often when I do, it makes me feel extra young.  It also sometimes makes me think, “I still feel like a teenager.  How am I 33 years old?”

Last night when I was going to bed (a time when I am trying to cool down, but my mind often races off by itself), my mind wandered to my childhood.  I thought of my Mom during what was probably some of the most difficult years of her life. Usually I can remember what led me to think of something like that, but as best I can remember, it just popped up in my head.

(When I recently wrote about my scented markers I got when I was eight, I touched some on what I remember about my own experience of the end of those difficult years, along with the start of a better time.)

I didn’t write in that post about what had been happening in the years prior to my Mom getting remarried (and my subsequent adoption).  I can’t say that I can remember everything, but I know it was hard. It included a divorce, single parenting of three children (one of whom was in preschool/early elementary), unpaid child support, working two jobs (at the same place), free school lunches (which I will have to share a story about sometime), a break-in at our home, Mom trying to balance feelings of guilt for having a night to go out each week, barely teenage daughters (not me – I was early elementary age) who were doing lots of things they shouldn’t have been doing, and, eventually, a long distance relationship that led to her second marriage.  There are other more personal things that I also remember, and there are probably a million things that I don’t.

Throughout it all, I remember thinking that my Mom had it all together. Although I can remember when we would take turns doing primal screams as a group activity down the stair well that led to our basement, my Mom was my constant and I thought she knew it all.

As an adult though, I have looked back at that time with a sadness for my Mom. She dealt with so much.  It had to have been a time in her life where she wondered if things would ever get better.  I suspect it was years full of feeling, “This can’t be happening.  Is this what my life was supposed to be like?”

Only last night when I was in bed, lamenting my own stressors did it hit me — she was my age. All of those things that she dealt with, how grown up and together she seemed to me — amongst those difficult years, she was 33 for one them.  I was astounded to really think of it, and I cried.  I thanked God for having given me such a strong and loving Mother.  Lesser women would have broken in that situation, but my Mom came out on the other side.  I am pretty certain that given all of the situations she was in, I would not have done as well.

As I continued to lay in bed, I also realized that when she was just barely older than Eric was when she was remarrying.  She was also moving away from her family and everything she had known for so long.  She was going to be taking on roles she had never known before, in a new place she had barely been before.  That made me cry too.  It had to have been both exciting and scary.

I have spent the last 33 years being a pretty huge fan of my Mom.  It’s no secret, and pretty much everyone who knows me knows that my Mom is my go-to girl and one of my best friends.  I have also always been appreciative of her as a Mother.   Today, though, I woke up with a new sense of appreciation – both for my Mom and for the life I have right now.

When I finish writing this, I plan to say an extra prayer of thanksgiving for what my Mom did for us, a prayer to ask God to remind me of those challenges she faced at my age at times when I think life is tough, and I also plan to buy her a gift certificate to her favorite online store as a little thank you for the many sacrifices that she made during those years so long ago.

She Was Only My Age is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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~ 1 ~

The kids and I spent the day out of town visiting one of our friends (who is a priest) at the parish that he is currently.  We had lunch out, took a tour of the church and school, and then hung out at the rectory with him.  It was such a nice day, even though it also reminded me how much we all miss having him at our parish.

It was just the kind of day that I needed.  I have been really depressed about work (I work very part time out of the home) and some big changes.  I’m trying to just let it go and do what I have to do, but that’s just a lot easier said than done, isn’t it?

~ 2 ~

Another nice thing from today was what one online friend left on my Facebook page out of the blue:

Angie, I love witnessing your joy in and faithfulness in all the little things that make up being a mom and a homemaker. You Rock!

~ 3 ~

Is it wrong that despite all of these nice things, I just can’t shake the bad mood about the work thing?  Is it wrong to feel like I wish I would have gone to college for something I really loved?  (And maybe that I would have skipped out on getting a masters degree just because I felt like I needed something to do?)

Grumpy Angie has an ugly attitude, doesn’t she?

(Hey – this is just in interest of full disclosure that sometimes, I get in a really bad mood.  It’s not all rainbows and unicorns prancing around in my head.)

~ 4 ~

I think that last week I mentioned that my Jesse Tree ornament swap is coming up and that I needed to finish up my ornaments.  Know what?  They are as far along as they were last week when I wrote about them.  All I know is – they have to be done in about a week.  No room for excuses!

~ 5 ~

This week, I wrote about using Doodle books to encourage creativity over at Curriculum Choice.  Have you ever tried some of these Doodle books?  We have a copy of Super Doodle (a lot like this book, but not exactly), and it’s really fun.  Although, I will admit that I might like it more than the kids do.

~ 6 ~

I have been looking at my food budget quite a bit lately, as we’ve been trying to get our spending under control.  I’m curious about what your budget for food is each month.

If you don’t feel comfortable sharing an actual number, maybe just share what percentage is it of your family’s take home pay each month.  (Also, please share if your food budget number includes groceries only or groceries and dining out.)

~ 7 ~

Anyone else want to send the kid from the new Toyota Highlander commercial (the one that calls his parents lame) into an extra long time out?  What kind of marketing campaign is this?

Now, you know what commercial I really love though?  The Halloween Snickers one with the kids in the grocery store with the lady from the neighborhood, Mrs. Jensen.  (As a matter of fact, I’m planning to buy extra Snickers for Halloween as my personal thank you to Snickers for making me laugh so many times.)

This post is linked to 7 Quick Takes and Weekly Wrap Up.

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7 Quick Takes: October 29, 2010 (Vol. 58) is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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~ 1 ~

I feel kind of overwhelmed lately. I feel like I have a lot of things to do, but just can’t manage to do them.  I need to write on this blog, need to manage The Homeschool Classroom and Catholic Mothers Online, add things to Just a Tiny Owl, and keep up with social media and my blog reading.  Then, of course, on the home front, I need to homeschool the kids, plan/fix meals, do some housekeeping, do a couple of therapy sessions a week (my outside employment), find time to create from time to time, etc.

The funny thing is – I feel like there is simply not enough time in each day to get to all of these things.  Yet, I also know that if I looked at what I was doing each day, I would find that there was more than enough time. I told Eric that maybe I just needed him to come up with a schedule for me of what things I should do each day to make sure I got to everything I wanted to do each week.  (I think he didn’t think this sounded like fun.  I don’t blame him.)

What things do you do to be more efficient with your time?

~ 2 ~

I took a break in between writing the first take (above) and the rest of these.  Know what happened in between the two writings?

Molly lost her very first tooth!

~ 3 ~

While I was excited for Molly for losing her tooth (she was crazy excited), it made me sad too.  It wasn’t so much because she’s getting old, but it’s because she is never going to look the same again.  Kids just change their appearance so much when they start losing teeth.  They just never look the same again when they lose all those tiny teeth.

~ 4 ~

This past week we had our last gymnastics class.  Both Molly and Jack really enjoyed their classes and hoped to sign up for class again.  I almost wanted to sign up again, but I realized that $150 for the two of them to take eight gymnastics classes was just a bit much for us.  On the up side, I arranged for all three kids to start in a free homeschool gym class.  WooHoo!

~ 5 ~

Last week, we had Molly’s birthday party.  It was another at-home party, which was a lot of fun.  We did spend a little more than last year’s party, but it was still not bad.  I’ll have to post about it soon!

(On a side note: One of my favorite things was to see on Facebook when a lot of the Moms of the little girls posted to say that their daughters were talking their ears off about the party.)

~ 6 ~

I’ve been really enjoying reading A Thomas Jefferson Education Home Companion. I often end up partially reading books and then leaving them around the house, picking them up from time to time randomly.  This book I’ve actually kept reading and even used a highlighter while I’ve been reading it.

Now I have to decide if I want to buy Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning or not.  (Will I read it or find it in a bag somewhere that I forgot about?  Hmmm…)

~ 7 ~

“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

Lao Tzu

7 Quick Takes: October 16, 2010 (Vol. 56) is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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photo by addicted Eyes

I was chatting with my other friend Amanda (not to be confused with the friend I usually refer to as “my friend Amanda”) while we watched our daughters in gymnastics.  I quickly grabbed my phone to take a picture as Molly went down into the splits.  I wanted to show Eric, because we had never seen her do that before.

When I tried, however, my phone came up with a message that there were too many pictures, and I need to either delete some or put in a memory card.  Sadly, my chance at a shot of Molly in the splits was gone.

As long as I already lost my chance, I talked to Other Amanda while I deleted a bevy of pictures from my phone.  There were pictures of the kids various places, scenic shots from Florida and Colorado, reminders of products that I wanted to buy, and more.

Coming upon one of the pictures, I told Other Amanda, “Now you’ll know that I’m a horrible person.  I took a picture of a hideous shirt that someone was wearing one day and I texted it to Eric to tell him I wanted one for Christmas.”

“Wow – that is bad,” she answered.  (Speaking of my actions, not the shirt.  Although, seriously — it was a chambray shirt with a hugely intricate beading design on the entire back side of it.  Now, let me say – if you have a shirt like that, then I’m sure it’s beautiful.  It’s just not my thing.)

“This is why I’m going to have extra burn time in Purgatory,” I said as we both laughed.

“Yeah, and you know you’re going to have to wear that shirt the whole time, right?”

So, apparently I’m going to be easy to find in Purgatory.  I’ll be the one in the beaded Chambray shirt.

The Dress Code in Purgatory is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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Today, you can find me guest posting at my friend Amy’s blog – Raising Arrows.

I would normally offer you a snippet from the post to entice you to head over and read it.  Instead, I was so touched by what Amy wrote before the post that I wanted to share that with you instead:

When Angie sent me her guest post, I had not expected to cry. I know Angie as the fun-loving mama behind The Homeschool Classroom.  This post hit me where I live.  From the stanza of the song she mentions to the emotions she conveys in this post, I found myself remembering, and being thankful all over again to have been given the chance to mother a child with a congenital defect.  Truly, all these little ones belong to God, no matter how “imperfect” they may seem.

We all have a story.  Angie’s is about her son, Jack.

So, head over to Raising Arrows to read my post about Jack.

Knowing My Son Belongs to God is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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Jack at his First Communion

For a couple of years, Jack has pined away, waiting to be a fourth grader.  His main reason for this was that he would be old enough to be an altar server at church.  It has surprised me about how persistent he has been with his desire to be an altar server.

Last week, he completed server training.  I couldn’t be there while he did it, but heard from Eric that it had gone well, but that Jack wouldn’t stop asking questions.  Jack told us later, when Eric said the questions had been a bit much, “I’m sorry – I was just so excited!”  As soon as Jack saw me, he excitedly told me, “There’s a paper we need to drop off at church so they’ll put me on the schedule.  Can we do that soon?”

Then, as we got ready for Mass this weekend, Jack kept saying, “I hope they need altar servers!”  (If altar servers that are on the schedule don’t get there early, they start to make a general announcement asking for servers from the crowd.)  I have to admit, I was nervous.  Maybe even so nervous that I stalled the whole family a little in the van as we were getting ready to go in.

As we found an open pew, one of our priests walked in front of the congregation that was there early and I watched every muscle in Jack’s body tense.  He edged his bottom forward in the pew, and he was holding his breath.  Then, our priest asked for two Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion.

Jack took a breath finally and his shoulders dropped.  And, then, our priest said they also needed two more altar servers.  Jack almost gasped and his head shot to the right to look at me.  I have to be honest, I wanted to say no.  I wanted to say, “It’s too soon after training.”  Instead, I said, “Go ahead.  But you remind them it’s your very first time.”

Jack shot up and sprinted down the aisle to the sacristy (trying to make sure not to be beaten by any other possible servers).  Eric and I said extra prayers.  Soon, we saw Jack come out with the other servers.  Since they were both teenagers, he just looked tiny.  One of the servers (a young lady from a family very active in our parish) motioned him to go a certain direction, and I felt some security — I knew that meant she would be helping him.

The Mass went well, even with a missionary priest performing the Mass, which often can throw a curve ball to the servers.  (One of our priests was also there.)  There was only a couple of points when Jack started waving to us (and some friends).  I cringed and willed for him to stop.  We told him he wasn’t allowed to do that up there (after the fact) and he said he didn’t know that, but would be sure not to do it again.  Despite the waving, he did a great job.  Jack looked extra prayerful during many points, and I could tell that he felt so proud to be serving.  Sure, he had a few moments of uncertainty, but he had a wonderful guidance from that teenage girl.  (We actually went and spoke with her and her family to thank them afterward.)

Jack told us that he can’t wait to be an altar server again, and that he just knows he’ll do better each time he does it.  And, I know that as time goes on, I’ll probably breathe a little easier while he’s serving.

When I was able to get over my feeling of nervousness and anxiety, I realized something about the experience.  I looked back and thought about how badly Jack had wanted to be a server and for how long.  I remembered watching as his body tensed, his breathing stopped, and his eyes were full of hope as the priest came out in front of the congregation.  I thought: When was the last time I got that excited about something? When was the last time that I felt like I needed to sprint toward fulfilling a long term goal?  And, more so, when was the last time that I sat with a body fully energized and waiting so intently to serve God?

So, my hope for me (and for you)?

That we may all serve, work toward goals, and live with the same kind of enthusiasm as Jack.

May We All Serve with Such Enthusiasm is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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I’m not always practical, but I think that my practical side tends to come out about household items.  Because of this, when we registered for our wedding about a million years ago, we didn’t register for china or silverware.  We registered for Corelle sets that would have all we needed in one box and sets of flatware.  This is not to say that I didn’t think I would like to have some of those things one day, it just didn’t seem appropriate when we didn’t have any of our own things to start a new home.

In April of this year, we went to visit my Grandparents, since I thought it would make a fun solo trip for the kids and I, plus my Grandma requested that we come see them.  She pushed me more for what I wanted from her when she died while I was there, and made frequent requests during that visit (and on the phone afterward) that we come again soon.

After years of telling her that I didn’t know what I wanted (just that I wanted her to live forever), we finally talked about her dining room table.  A few days later (when I was gone, but my parents were still there), she said her hutch was a matching set, and I should have that too.  Thinking only of what my Mom has in her hutch, I joked to my Mom, “And maybe one day I’ll be a grown up, and actually have china to put in it.”  My Mom laughed and said it to my Grandma.

Though we didn’t really grasp just how readily she was preparing for the end of her life (though I think she knew it exactly), she quickly said that they would pack up her china and my Mom could bring it home to me.  I washed it all by hand when I got it home, rearranged my kitchen, and I found places to put it in a cabinet.  And that’s where it sat from mid April until the end of August.

It was the last day of August, thinking of my Grandma (as I frequently do, since her passing the day after Mother’s Day), that I pulled out four china plates.  The same china plates that I had eaten on for so many holiday meals.  Plates that over the years have held the culinary delights of my family.

I put macaroni and cheese on those plates, and I set them in front of my children.

“Wow!” Jack exclaimed with the joy of Christmas morning.  “Why are we using these fancy plates?”

I said, “I don’t know, Jack.  Maybe it’s because they’re pretty.  Maybe because it’s Tuesday.  Maybe it’s because today…we’re alive.”

“I know,” he said, “I think it’s because we’re celebrating the last day of August.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I answered back.

Or, maybe, I thought, it’s just because I’m trying hard to find the little joys in life that I keep overlooking.  And, with that, I sat down to my suddenly fancy macaroni and cheese.

This post is linked to Finer Things Friday.

Using China Plates for Lunch is a post from: Many Little Blessings

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