June 29, 2008

Commence Homeschool Freak Out

Today I had to stop by the now former school of the boys. I knew that what did happen might happen if I had to go to the school, but there was no choice — I had a commitment, so I had to stop by.

And, sure enough — the class lists were posted. You see, I haven’t actually officially told the school that we will be homeschooling next year. Plenty of people know, but I have not yet withdrawn the kids and made a declaration of it.

Heck…I’ll go one step farther. I even requested who I wanted them to have as teachers next school year, just in case anything changed and we needed to send them to school. (We can request teachers by submitting our top three choices.)

I saw the lists posted, and I couldn’t help but look. And there, I saw that both of the boys ended up with good teachers. (I had been particularly worried about Jack, because they originally were planning to place in him with teachers I didn’t want him to have. That’s a long story, so I won’t get into it.) Alas though, both with good teachers. But, then I was relieved to see that none of Jack’s best buddies were in his class. Then, I peeked at Noah’s, only to find his very best friend from this year still in his class next year. (They go to a very large school, so it’s not uncommon to have someone in your class one year and then never have them in your class again.)

Noah doesn’t make friends easily. I suppose because of his Autism, as he gets older, the kids notice his differences more. But, “best friend” likes him just the way he is. And, here I have the opportunity to let them be in class together again, and I’m stopping it.

And, for that matter, here I was standing in the hallway of their nice school. Their school that offers so many opportunities. Their school that they both like (although I must note that they are very excited about homeschooling now).

Commence homeschool freak out.

I had a horrible time keeping my mind on task during my meeting. My mind raced.

Am I making a mistake?

Is this really in their best interest to keep them home?

Should I pick up the school supply lists, in case I break down and send them back to school? (I did, by the way, pick them up on my way out.)

What if the boys hate me later that I took them out of school, even though they are excited right now?

Would God be mad at me if I sent them to school after He seemed to specifically tell me otherwise?

Why do I have to always be so unsure of myself?

Can I just keep my mind on this meeting already?

I think I finally kind of kept my mind on my task, but then as soon as I got home, Eric knew I was upset. I told him about my freak out.

I said, “They got good teachers next year.”

Eric said, “You are the best teacher they will ever have.”