You mean people really feel done sometimes?

This is a concept that I have to admit is one that alludes me and always amazes me. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around that there are people who have a certain number of children and then can honestly and fully think, “We’re done. We have no desire for any more children.” This is hard for me to figure out because I have never really felt that way. Sure, I have had more than enough days when I think, “Wow — the kids have made me crazy today — I’m glad this is it.” But, then there are definitely times when I sit and think, “Why in the world was I so adament that we had to be done?” (I have to admit that I think a lot of that was because I felt pressured to be done by others.) Let me share for those that don’t know our family — prior to our desire to become Catholic, we made arrangements that made it official that we were not increasing our family size (or, at least as I joked to Eric, I made sure that if he ever remarried that he wouldn’t give our children any step-siblings).

So, why does this come up? Well — because, quite frankly, it is an inner conflict that has been torturing me. And, so, one of the purposes of my blog was to try to occasionally lessen some of my inner conflicts. And, I kind of just felt like it had to come out.

I will admit that I have a lot of guilt now over that decision that we made, and probably more so now that we are becoming Catholic. But, it’s not like I am feeling any pressure from anyone about it during our conversion. It’s not like anyone asked even. Although, I did offer up my concerns to one of our priests, and he didn’t even really tell me what he thought we should do. (Though, as is his way, he told me a couple of stories, and I thought I could read into it to “hear” his suggestion.)

But, then I think, “Ya know, I have had at least one child in diapers for the past seven and a half years. And, for just shy of five of those years, we had TWO children in diapers.” Shouldn’t this be enough for anyone?

Perhaps the problem is that our kids are just too darn loveable. LOL Even when they make me crazy. But, then again, I sometimes wonder if they have made me crazy because I try to do too much in my time. I sometimes don’t take the time that they need me as seriously as I need to. Why do I need to have two businesses and then various volunteering, etc. when I have three small children?

And, so, you know what? I won’t solve this one today. This entry seemed to have a weak beginning, and guess what — it has no formal ending. So is life sometimes, I suppose.

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